someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
