I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
