Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize