You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
