He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
