And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize