hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You need a sexual gate keeper
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
