Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
