White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
