i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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