so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize