What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize