My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
