His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
