idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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