...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
