I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
