Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
