This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
