I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize