yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
there's paper in my vomit.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
