he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
