She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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