I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
