Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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