instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
did you just send me my own nude
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize