my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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