i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
