If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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