what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
