fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
