Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
