3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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