why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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