we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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