So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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