So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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