you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
