yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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