I feel like I'm in dance class right now
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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