i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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