We're facebook friends in real life
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
