She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
