Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
