I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
