kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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