Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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