The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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