I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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