You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
