just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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