This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
being pregnant is like rehab
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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