really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
