just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
