Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
