he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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