So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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