Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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