how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
