Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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