Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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