she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
