I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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