True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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