The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
that may or may not have been my penis.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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