apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
