Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
