Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
only you would photoshop your dick
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Randomize
