How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
