It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
