nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
