Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
