Do you still have your period?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize