Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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